I am scared… I am scared that when I show interest in him, he won’t be interested in me anymore.

Why is a decision so hard to make?

Let’s be realistic. If I compare him with my crush, he is a much better guy. But I still don’t know why I prefer my crush over him. Probably because I met him first.
When my crush lets his girlfriend run after him at a prom, this guy gives me a kiss on my cheek and holds me tight. It is only that he had a girlfriend then, and probably kisses all the girls. So one isn’t interested in anyone and the other is interested in everyone. Both is bothering me.
Crush: He always seems to know what I think, while we don’t even have conversations often. I can’t say we are on the same level, since we don’t have good conversations. But he knows what I think though. Can’t explain it. He saw I was hiding behind him because a man was starring at me, while all I did was to took a step backwards. He saw I didn’t want to enter that metro door because of that creepy man. So, how can you say that a guy like him isn’t thoughtful enough? Other guys wouldn’t have seen it.
Other guy: He is generous in his attitude. A weird description, I know. But he doesn’t mind doing things, such as cleaning up something if he has the time and notices it needs to be cleaned up. He remembered I bought tickets for the pool party, which was cancelled, and made sure someone warned me, while my chairman didn’t even warn me, who saw me daily. It says a lot about his heart. But he probably won’t notice the things I think. But I can have good conversations with him instead.

Intuition isn’t it? Then I say that this relationship is doomed to fail. Who posts a birthday wish on the FB wall of his girlfriend without a kiss? I am overthinking! This guy doesn’t even know how to treat his girlfriend! Is this the guy I want to be with? Why do I keep thinking he is better than he seems? What’s wrong with me? I am stupid! That is wrong!

Maybe not so smart to fall for a guy who likes everyone

I feel so stupid! I actually wondered whether I should give him a chance, but I am not even sure whether he wants a chance. He is almost everything what I want, but there is only one thing missing or too much, which is that he loves everyone. He probably wants to kiss every girl when he has been drinking. And maybe I am just falling in his trap.
I don’t doubt his personality, but impulsive people can do a lot of things which I don’t like.

And we are starting over again

It is probably stupid to believe that he will be a good boyfriend, while you have seen him letting his girlfriend run after him, and being told he is weird. I honestly don’t know why I have faith in him. It might be due to the drama series. Or is it the fact that he switched his music for me?
I don’t believe a picky person like me sees him incorrectly. He might be putting up an act, but I don’t believe I fall for the act. Could it be that I am truly so blind?

How stupid it may sound, my crush inspires me, because, due to him, I have learnt or hope to learn discipline!

I do care

I know I am stupid. A week of not seeing him, really did help me to forget. But I had to give him and myself a chance to stay in touch. I surprised him, because he brought me on that thought. And he probably appreciated it.
They keep saying that he is weird, and a closed book. Is it? I don’t want him to act in front of me, so I don’t mind when he is quiet next to me. Let him do his things, and to be how he wants to be. I want to know the real him.
I like him, because he doesn’t show any interest in other things, so it is easily to read what he wants. But why do people call him a closed book then? He doesn’t know how to be romantic and he probably doesn’t know how to be a good boyfriend, but this isn’t why he is called a closed book. I am curious. I want to believe that I am one of the person who gets to know the real him.
Why I like him? Probably nobody sees. Is it because nobody sees his thoughtfulness, or is it because he isn’t thoughtful to everyone? Patience, how much do I have?

The heart attack you get when your crush talks to you on Facebook!

The heart attack you get when your crush talks to you on Facebook, while you don’t expect it.

I think it is a good reason to forget

It is probably bad to forget someone by thinking his bad features. I know it is wrong, but I can’t think of another way to forget.

That evening, I felt so awkward when two annoying guys bothered a friend and me on the stairs, when you just came in. We were going down and you were going up. And I wanted to hide so badly, but the two annoying guys stopped us by asking why we don’t have dates. At that moment, I should actually have realized that I should appreciate the attention given by the two guys, instead of feeling bad because you didn’t give me any attention. However, what I did see, was that you didn’t help your girlfriend by giving her an arm, when you walked up the stairs. Not so gentleman, is it? My boyfriend need to be the one I want to count on when I need help, which means I need your arm when I am walking on high heels. 

And the second time, when I was walking downwards with a friend, and I actually met your eyes when I was smiling because of the joke she made, my thoughts didn’t even bother to stop and stare at you a bit longer. I couldn’t think of anything else but “shit! I am not looking for you, so do you have to be in my sight?” 

And, what bothers me the most, was that you came downstairs as well. What were you trying? To show me that you have a girlfriend? What about holding her hands instead of letting her walk after you? I couldn’t believe that was the way you treat your girlfriend. It doesn’t matter anymore, because I don’t think I have the patience to let anyone to treat me like that. What is his magic? How can he keep his girlfriend if he lets her walk after him that way?